Footloose and Fancy Free

Life is a funny thing.  It’s weird to think that those pictures were taken less than five years ago.

When I was living footloose and fancy free.

My mom used this expression once a few short months ago when she was talking about life before babies and it really stuck.

When I graduated college, the only person I was concerned about was myself.  I could go anywhere and be anything I wanted to be and do anything I wanted to because no one depended on me.  I was living for me.

Something always felt like it was missing though.

One of my favorite things when I was younger (and still today) was a full house.  I come from a small family.  One younger sister, my parents didn’t have any siblings around after I was born and by 21, I was down to one grandparent.  My family is so tiny and I cherish it but those few holidays that we got together with my mom’s or dad’s cousins were my favorite.

Food for miles, a ton of people constantly in and out, zero silence and at least seven conversations going on at once.  Pure bliss.  I never wanted it to end.  These holidays were what I dreamed my adult life would be life.

Dirty puppy paw prints on the kitchen floor, bags packed with a million car toys, full schedules, bedtime stories.  Babies calling me “mama”.  I’ve always wanted that big all American family but I was scared to get there so I pushed it away.  Now that my hidden dream is becoming a reality in five months, I can finally let go and scream “I CAN’T WAIT TO BE A MAMA”!!!  I can’t wait for baby breath and elephant tears and tiny fingers and toes.  Chubby cheeks, swinging arms, pudgy legs, and onesies.  Sticky fingers, long night snuggles, late night rockings, discovering the world.  Cries that only a mama can make disappear.

I want it all.  And even though the majority of the time I’m thinking about how in the world I’m going to do this, little things make me remember that God is giving us this blessing because He has faith in us.

Oh, and most of all, I’m excited for capturing new traditions on my new video camera Andrew got me for my birthday!  Sunday morning church followed by brunch, Friday night movies with homemade popcorn, living room forts, seeing the lights on Candycane Lane at Christmas time, pumpkin carving parties.  We’re going to make traditions out of everything!


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